Is She Blowing Me Off?

Single men, is the girl you like too busy? 

the perfect girl

Dear Harry,

Kelly and I are both 28, She’s beautiful, well educated, works out frequently, and is fun to be around. Over the last month, we have seen each probably 5 or 6 times. We’ve done very datey types of things such as going for a long bike ride (she loves bike riding) through some hills where we talked a lot about relationships and she mentioned to me a few attributes of what she might want from a man, and what she was looking for. Amongst those things, she wanted someone who had a stable career. I work as a telecommunications manager, and during the recent financial crisis, my job has been made redundant. I am now looking for work, but part of the reason why we can spend time together, is because I don’t have to be at work now! Recently, we both went to a party together where Kelly and I had a great time – we were mainly dancing with each other, and spent some time alone “cooling down”. What do you think I should do?

her schedule is too full

We normally communicate via text messaging or email, and I get the feeling that she wants to hang out. Then, on email, she talked about a few things we could do like going to the movies and having a picnic. Of course I said yes to this! We had a tentative plan for me to pick her up on that morning, which was about 5 days after the email. The night before the meeting, I text messaged her to ask her what time I should pick her up, and this was her reply:

“Hey – hope things are well, I just found out that a friend is leaving for Japan and he’s organised a few friends to have a going away party. Can we take a raincheck? Sorry its late notice, but I really want to see him before he leaves.” The rest of the email was her just telling me how busy she has been recently. I told her I would be at a bar that night and that she could meet me there when she finished with her friends going away party.

I have a couple of questions: Am I being too eager? I know in your dating tips, you say that we should try to be a bit more aloof when it comes to making plans. Also, am I misinterpreting the signs? I really want to be with her but I also don’t want to waste my time if she’s not interested.

 
Dan

From Harry Laurent

Hi Dan,

Thanks for writing in – it looks like you’ve found someone who’s attributes you admire – and there are a lot of things about her that you like. But the main question is: are there any positive signals given from her? Have you seen any of the normal flirting signs (ie touching your arm “accidentally”, playing with her hair, looking up at you and holding your gaze)? Because that’s what counts.

I can tell that you have had some impromptu dates together over the last month, but what other things have you done? A few bike rides could not mean much, especially because you say that she is a keen cyclist – this can often mean that she just wants company when she is doing something she would already do (ie killing 2 birds with one stone). The true test is to work out whether she wants to do things that you want to do. If you have read some of my other articles, you would realise that you need to try to make the decisions early, so she doesn’t think you are a wuss. Next time you are making plans to do something, ask her to do something that you love doing, that you know she has no real great desire to do, whether it be going 10 pin bowling, or rock climbing. If she chooses to follow you to do that, then that is a hugely positive sign.

Is she seeing someone else?

I can sense that you are a little bit thrown off by the fact that she is going to see another man instead of keeping your date. Well, you need to let this go – as she will be able to see right through your thinking. If she feels that you are in the least bit jealous or envious of the other man, that will push her in his direction. Of course, he is leaving for Japan, so this may not be an issue there, but keep in mind that she is single, and there are many other options around for her – especially if she is as complete as you say.

You should have asked Lana what she meant when she said her ex was not long-term material. Was there something in his personality or his character that she didn’t care for, or was it the fact that he never had a job? You don’t have a clue what she meant, guy. You’re only guessing when you assume that the guy’s portfolio was nonexistent. When you run into a situation like this, get the woman to be specific, and don’t accept a gray answer. Pin it down. Get it in black and white. It was good that you let her do all the yakking, however.

Being too eager is a mistake that many guys make, but finding that balance between not coming across as being totally uninterested to being a slight challenge. Consider some of my previous tips on being confident. If you truly want to learn the art of dating, subscribe to my newsletter where I send multiple tips weekly which can help you in your endeavours. And as soon as my ebook is officially released – my subscribers will receive a free copy of this if they are subscribed prior to the ebooks official launch. After this, the book will cost $9.95.

Remember – its not the girl, but the way you tune her.

 Ask me more on the forum.

Happy Hunting

Harry

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